I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
