Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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