So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
