Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
