i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
