Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
