he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
