If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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