i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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