An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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