OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
