A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
