don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
