I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
