he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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