Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
