Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
