I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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