Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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