I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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