there was a trapeze. enough said
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
