I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize