I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
