I've blown a few things in my day
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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