I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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