1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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