Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
