Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize