i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
