You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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