Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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