Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize