Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
