i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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