I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
