So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
