It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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