the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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