I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
