I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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