put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
