He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
