dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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