I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
