I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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