OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
