My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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