I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
