I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
