If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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