see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
