put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
