In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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