if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
