i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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