I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize