Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
