The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize