Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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