well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
