Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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