If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have fence marks all over my body
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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