im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
