she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
