I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
