Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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