I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
