I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I need help removing her.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize