Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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