drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
