You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
