If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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