He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
