I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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