my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize