I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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