I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
