So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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