he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
