Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
