i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
