Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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