Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize