My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
