Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
