and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
