Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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