so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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