i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
