Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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