His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
