We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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