I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
