omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm passing your future prison.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize