Moan for me like Helen Keller
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
