Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Randomize