Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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