Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just invented taco cereal.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
