The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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