look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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