Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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