Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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