I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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