Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize