dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
