Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
