wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize