I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
