I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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