I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
