One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
